下一步，准备

不再害怕孤单了，因为懂了，不委屈就全，宁缺勿滥的道理。我想，大概有半年了吧，努力的都努力了，应该是缘分不够吧，不必再勉强了。心里也坦然了，因为不是谁的错，只怪我们的世界不一样，我想我进不去你们那花花世界去，我只想要个黑白世界就好了。不需太多的花枝，也不需再猜测太多，就我需要的只是那对与错，直接，诚实的世界。就爽快地放手吧，不是不再是朋友了，见面时也可以很开心的打招呼，聊聊近况，但再深一步就不需要了，不必让彼此如此的不舒服吧。有时，就需要些遗憾，才能留下更深刻的印象吧。就好像我去年夏天去了东京一趟，就算身旁的人都告诉我，夏天的云朵会遮盖了富士山的山顶，我还是去了。算是给心里一个交代吧，去了，也真的只看到半山腰，但是就有了再来一次的理由，下次，一定会在冬天时再来一次的，泡着温泉，看着那白白的山顶。

消失的富士山顶

话说，冬天时，富士山会倒影在冰冻的湖上。

我想，生命就是一个路途。有时，你会因为要了快抵达目的地，而忽略了景边的小草小花，有时你抵达了目的地，却发现其实那不是你要去的地方，你真正珍惜的是那些些小花小草。说回那富士山之旅吧，一开始是以富士山而出发的，却很意外的看到了遍地盛开的薰以花草，还以为只能去北海道才能看到的，在这里就看到了。生命就是如此吧，当一个门为你关起时，另一把门会为你开启。很感谢，生命的这些考验，让我更加看清了我真正想要珍惜的人们呢。在这半年里，我也遇见一另一班人，我相处起来很舒服的人们，虽然还没到很深交的地步，可是我们正慢慢前进，以最自然的方式更近一步吧。希望，我的下一步，我可以更准备的去面对我要面临的挑战。

薰以花草们

                                     

站在富士山前，和薰衣草们以之间的我，看起来真的很渺小吧！

嘉忆笔上

热，22.4.15

Alone ≠ loneliness

Am I holding in or dealing with it? I don't know. I felt so torn inside. Struggling with loneliness. I know this is a battle of my own. It was said that the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself.  Ha! What makes you sick cures you. I don't believe it at first, thinking that being alone is the loneliest and it would be the last thing that I ever wanted to do. But now, here I am, alone in the room, escaping from those noisy world outside. I felt a lot more comfortable, under my own skin, doing the things I want and just be me.  Now I know why I'm always felt terrible after those long hours of socialising. And it's time for me to do find ways to fight off these terrible feelings, to figure out where to go and what I want to do. Always keep in mind that you are not lonely, unless you felt so. Being alone doesn't means that you are lonely. 

P.S. For those who also felt this way, I would like to recommend a website, which had always brings the light for me whenever I'm no good. 

http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/03/19/10-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-lost-and-alone/