2016

很感谢这一年，和这新的一年，更加地看清了自己的不足，现在，看到的不再是他人的不对，而是自己的不好。心里也不在痛苦折磨了，朋友的那句话来的刚好，“兔子用跳的，活了8年；狗用跑的，活了15年；乌龟啥都不做，活了150年。” 有时候，我也得我在错的地方活得太过认真，去猜测他人的真心，这种其实没答案啊，又不是她肚里的蛔虫，哪懂真不真诚，这种是日子久了就看得出了啦。这样只会让自己变得精神恍惚，没自信呢。就顺其自然吧，也不能干嘛的。
呵呵，昨天和一个很久没见的朋友去了槟城哦！天，太太太开心了，其实也没想到我妈会让我去呢，第一次坐着朋友的车到槟城去，超嗨的，前晚还睡不着呢！三个傻瓜，进了鬼屋，却都怕鬼，哈哈哈！真的留了很好的回忆呢 :D

下一步，准备

不再害怕孤单了，因为懂了，不委屈就全，宁缺勿滥的道理。我想，大概有半年了吧，努力的都努力了，应该是缘分不够吧，不必再勉强了。心里也坦然了，因为不是谁的错，只怪我们的世界不一样，我想我进不去你们那花花世界去，我只想要个黑白世界就好了。不需太多的花枝，也不需再猜测太多，就我需要的只是那对与错，直接，诚实的世界。就爽快地放手吧，不是不再是朋友了，见面时也可以很开心的打招呼，聊聊近况，但再深一步就不需要了，不必让彼此如此的不舒服吧。有时，就需要些遗憾，才能留下更深刻的印象吧。就好像我去年夏天去了东京一趟，就算身旁的人都告诉我，夏天的云朵会遮盖了富士山的山顶，我还是去了。算是给心里一个交代吧，去了，也真的只看到半山腰，但是就有了再来一次的理由，下次，一定会在冬天时再来一次的，泡着温泉，看着那白白的山顶。

消失的富士山顶

话说，冬天时，富士山会倒影在冰冻的湖上。

我想，生命就是一个路途。有时，你会因为要了快抵达目的地，而忽略了景边的小草小花，有时你抵达了目的地，却发现其实那不是你要去的地方，你真正珍惜的是那些些小花小草。说回那富士山之旅吧，一开始是以富士山而出发的，却很意外的看到了遍地盛开的薰以花草，还以为只能去北海道才能看到的，在这里就看到了。生命就是如此吧，当一个门为你关起时，另一把门会为你开启。很感谢，生命的这些考验，让我更加看清了我真正想要珍惜的人们呢。在这半年里，我也遇见一另一班人，我相处起来很舒服的人们，虽然还没到很深交的地步，可是我们正慢慢前进，以最自然的方式更近一步吧。希望，我的下一步，我可以更准备的去面对我要面临的挑战。

薰以花草们

                                     

站在富士山前，和薰衣草们以之间的我，看起来真的很渺小吧！

嘉忆笔上

热，22.4.15

Alone ≠ loneliness

Am I holding in or dealing with it? I don't know. I felt so torn inside. Struggling with loneliness. I know this is a battle of my own. It was said that the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself.  Ha! What makes you sick cures you. I don't believe it at first, thinking that being alone is the loneliest and it would be the last thing that I ever wanted to do. But now, here I am, alone in the room, escaping from those noisy world outside. I felt a lot more comfortable, under my own skin, doing the things I want and just be me.  Now I know why I'm always felt terrible after those long hours of socialising. And it's time for me to do find ways to fight off these terrible feelings, to figure out where to go and what I want to do. Always keep in mind that you are not lonely, unless you felt so. Being alone doesn't means that you are lonely. 

P.S. For those who also felt this way, I would like to recommend a website, which had always brings the light for me whenever I'm no good. 

http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/03/19/10-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-lost-and-alone/

First time lyrics writing

So, this is my first time writing lyrics to a song. WOW! It was an eye opening experience, I never thought that I could be this artist in writing (SiaoZaBo). So this is what I had wrote and proposed to them.

It’s the day, the first step,

Anxiety filled me, then our eyes catch,

easiness swept through me,

I know we all felt the same.

Those awkward smiles had become friendlier ones

The string around us, thickens as time passes

What we had was short, but strong in our hearts

even we stopped saying goodbye, the memories are all inside

Simple talk, awkward smiles

Then comfort mocking and relax bearing

ever craving for the next meeting

How fast for us to be close acquaintance

In this Big city full of beautiful lights,

At times where my visions are blinded, you came by

took my hand and guide, 

it’s like we get to see tomorrow’s sunrise 

hand in hand marched towards the bright light 

The world before seems black and white,

But with you, they are all sparks and lights.

What we had was short, but strong in our minds

even we stopped saying goodbye, the memories are all still inside

Although in the end, only some parts are used but I'm still very happy :) And I get to sing my part ^.^
It's so obvious that I'm totally clueless during the first recording. I had no confidence in my voice and it kinda burdens the others too. So for next recording, i'm gonna work very very hard, mentally prepared myself for it. As this song is ours, every part of it had all those pieces of us in it. I really hoped that it will be a big success. 

I'm totally a newbie, still learning on how to do follow the melody and the beat, and singing (opps, I'm really bad at it). I kinda enjoy writing it and now planing to have a project with that sigui rui XDDD

Nothing is forever

Still adjusting to the life at here. In this big city, there are too much lonely souls. Everyone is hiding something, they are afraid of being judge by others, whether the others are friends or strangers. Afraid that if they just be themselves, they will not be accepted by this world or even worst, by those whom they really gave a shit in. Lonely it is. Not being able to be accepted as who they truly are. Being judged by those peoples, who they think they really are? God? Prosecutors? They are just humans too. It may be that they are being judged before too, so it's a cycle, where It won't stops until one stops.

I do need the courage which Taylor Swift has, not being afraid to those who judges. Since when, I cared that much about what the others thinks about me. It had just became a bigger and bigger burden in me, where until the point I can't be who I really was. Since when? Is it because of her? Please just stop this cycle. I'm not going to judge anyone, please just stop. I want to be able to stand, head strong, look into the eyes of those who hates me, seeing my own laughing face.

I'm shaky in the inside, felt insecure about this big city, nothing seems eternity. But then I remind myself that nothing is eternity, there aren't be anything that will be with you forever. Love fades, friendship betrayal, material stuffs wore and tears, nothing is eternity, Chia Yee! It's time to be myself, to be who I really meant to be. Just believe in your heart and you will get to the place you should. Nothing is forever - Yong Jun Hyung.

Just Lost.

This year, 2014, had been a tough one. There are so many ups and downs, gets and loses. I'm pulling up a tough image on the outside, but inside, it's shaky, felt like I'm going to shattered anytime soon. There are times where I just stare in blank even when I'm with a group of people. The Taiwanese boy band which I once loved, I had stop listening to them now. It's not that I'm tired of them, It's just that their songs just reminds me of someone I had just lost this year. After the day she'd passed away, I just found out how she had enjoyed this boy band so much. Listening to their song, especially "Tian Shi" really tears me apart. That day in the karaoke, their song was sang by my friend, without them knowing, I weeped as soon as the song starts. Sometimes It was just too much, I'm kinda lost in this big city. My aim is not clear, I don't know what I'm seeing, which steps to be taken. Lost. Lost. Lost.
And now I'm not sure what I'm talking about -_-. Well, this could counts as one of those failed posts.

Since when Fb had become such a public social site? I can't really share stuffs which are negative as not to even more pollute it. *Signs* Looks like I only had you, My Dear Dear bloggie :D

I'm 20. Had the best night in my life.

I'm officially 20 now. On 19/11/2014 1:10am. 20 years had past. Here I am now, in the capital city of this country. There are times where I felt alone, being left out, away from home. I really do think that I'm gonna spent my Birthday alone again. But really, I swear to God, this 20th Birthday is totally the best in my life! It's really a big surprise!! My BFF knows that i enjoyed bring low-key, so usually during da-day, they will just bring me out for a meal. But this year, really caught me off guard. Thanked God I get the time to change into a nicer shorts, or not it will ruined everything!!8 of u all, planned this without me knowing, now i get why I were asked of whether I liked chocolates, which unit I'm staying and so on!! So sneaky of u all :). It was an unforgettable Birthday, good memories which i will treasure in my heart. I'm bad in expressing myself, and this is the best way I'm confident that I can tell them what I really felt for today. So now its the time to thank them, for their efforts on giving me such a wonderful Birthday.

Like a Boss. LOL. ZX your pose cnt change d hor? :D

ZX: U!! Being so cool on the outside, I would never know you are so passionate in the inside if we haven't been in the same course. Thank you for always being with me, helped me out when I was down and cared for me. And that time too, when you asked me whether i'm thirsty or not. At that moment, I know that it will be the first and the last time you doing this to me :D.

AC: You who doesn't expressed yourself much had showed the other side of yours today. What a surprise!! The time we spent together weren't much, I hoped that we get to know each other more in the future. :D

PL: You too! That kind heart of yours and cheerfulness had always washed away all my bad thoughts I had in mind. And I'm totally going to the karaoke with you for the rest of 4 years!! That sweet voice of yours really touched me every time u sings. ;)

ZL: I hoped I didn't get your name wrong >.<. You and PL are always so cute, with all those super cute reactions, always ends my day with a big smile :D. Hoped that we can get closer too ^^.

XY: I never thought that you will celebrate my birthday!! It really meant a lot to me :D. Let's get closer and be the strength to each other^^. And bring me to your hometown once, really curious about  the other side of Msia.

YY: You har, bad girl. Lied to me. Make me disappointed at first. But after that really give me a surprise lo. Hahax, siaozabor! Thx for being there for me when I needed help most, Love ya XOXO.

H: I was surprised to hear guys voices when you all were singing Happy Birthday song. It's the first time, other than my relatives, there are guy friends who celebrated my Birthday. And your voice, is really really good :D. Thanks for singing at the karaoke, really felt like I'm in the middle of a concert. And always accompanies us back whenever its late. And finally felt that you are very man when paying for the karaoke. :D Jz jk ^^.

JY: You too, who lived more than 20 mins walk away, came here. I really really appreciate that you kept your promise, to sing for us when we go to the karaoke. And you rapped My Oppa's part. It's really daebak!! I don't think I can forget that :DD. It's a pity that I didn't get to record it down. >.<. Definitely going to the karaoke with u guys again!! Its a concert!!

It's really been an enjoyable night and its kinda sad that it ends so fast. I'm still being overwhelmed by those happiness and positive energises you all gave me just now :DDD. Thanks for not letting me celebrating da-day alone, rotting myself in the room with all those videos of Oppa's. I will cherished this night until I got Alzheimer's. :DDD. At last, I hoped that everyone of us will have good health and no ones gets to repeat another sem :D Be happy too ^^