Sudden Hormone Disorder

Its been a while since i written the last post. Things are doing great for me starting this year. I had new friends and better grades, but still somehow i felt depressed.  I felt that there is something missing in my life. Im not satisfied by how things are now. I want to have a better relationships with my new friends. I want to be closed to others other than my current bffs. But i don't know how since i sucks in socializing. Am i being too greedy? Should i just be happy with what i have now? Im just so confused. 😞

I hope that things will go well after time. Maybe its just my hormones getting weird or what. Fighting CY!!!!! U can do it :)

P.S. Btw im watching this sooooo cool korean drama named 'I hear your voice'. Im soooo into this actor right now :)

Jong suk oppa, fighting!!!

Thanks , cute guy.

Who knew that small things in life will makes a big change to you? 

As usual, I'm going on the bus after school. There was no other place sit besides the front role with a small guy on it. Those watery eyes, reflects how nervous and doubtness he had when I sat beside him.He, 3 or 4 years old, holding a pillow which was covered with dirt, sweat over the hairs and that crumple old tee which probably is his bro's, took a glance at me then turned towards the window.

Seeing him hugging that pillow, reminds me how alike are we. There is this set of pillow and bolster which my aunt made specially for me when I'm 6 years old. I don't really get along with my cousins and I'm always the one who is left out. So, they are made to be my 'companion' and I used to carry them around. I had been using for more than 10 years and it's really mean a great lot for me. 

Looking him with his pillow makes me realized that sometimes by having one precious thing in your life is enough. It may be anything, physical or abstract, as long as it is something that reminds you of who you are and where you can share a memory of it with others. By then, my day lights on, the hardship which I bare had gone, left the lesson which I had just learnt to know. 

Thanks, cute guy.

Life of Pi

Watched this movie last Wednesday. At first I thought this was a magical-kind story which a boy and a tiger survived from ship wreck. The bengala tiger. The deep blue sea. The curly hair of his. The other three animals: hyaena, zebra and a orang utan. Then, its not. In the end, this isnt a fairy tale. He is the bengala tiger. The zebra is a sailor with a broken leg. The orang utan is his mom. The hyaena is the cruel chef. The rest I will leave for u to watch it.
The plot is organised in a quiet unexpectable way. After the movie, u won't stop thinking about what people capable to do. Then I think about doomsday. If this day really came, what would people do to survive. Killing each other? Then eats their flesh? In the end, I only could wish that you may enjoy ur life and prepare for the worst.

Angry then Forgive and Forget

Anger, Frustrated, Annoyed, Hurt, and anything could go with these vocabs are what I had been through for the past few months. I won't be telling the story behind all of these as I had promised myself not to talk about it. 

This year really isn't the best for me. A lot of things happen to me and my family. But apart from these negative emotions, I'm grateful are what I had been gone through. It was like a challenge to me, finding my own self again, struggling to do the right thing and decide for my future.  

I had signed up for Polytechnic in diploma for Architecture. I really hoped that I get it. What I really want now is get away from all these craps and had a whole new life, a life without fears and full with positive attitude.

I liked to thank you, my friend, for what you did to me. It really challenges my self-control and patience but now I didn't think I felt it anymore. It's forgive and forget now. Give me some time and spaces, I know I can do this :) 

A letter to my idol : Aung San Suu Kyi

                                                                                                                             

Dearest Suu Kyi,

          I know this might be weird but i do need to express my gratitute towards you. It was a starstuck moment for the first time I saw you. I was just 12 and was sitting in the living room watching the 8 o'clock news with my family. Then I saw you, standing behind the house gate of yours, waving your hands towards the supporters outside your house. The calm posture of yours, those tenderness eyes and the graceful way of yours waving your hands, "WOW" was the only word I had said after that news.

         After that, I found out more about you through my mum and the papers and the internet.
 I was stunned by who you are and what you did. Who could imagine that a woman with a charming feature and those slim limbs could have such strong and determined characters, using every strength she had to fight for her country. (Her calmness and polite manners whenever facing various situation and obstacles makes her even more respectable and I do believe this is one of the factors she was being given the Noble Peace Prize in 1991. However, she choose not to receive it because she was afraid that she won't get the chance to step into her own country again if she went abroad.)

         I would really like to thank you as somehow those endless spirits of yours had rekindles my passion towards politics. I hope that someday I will be somebody who is as kind-hearted and passionate as you.I shall end my letter by wishing you good luck and success for the hardworks of yours throughout these many years.

       Dam Suu, the forever Iron Lady in my heart.
       ( Dam Suu means Mother Suu by Burmese )

P.S. Please forgive me to address this lady of the century without the politeness of using either "madam" or any other suitable callings.

I'm LOST

I'm lost, and not just any paths or roads on this world,it's my life which I need to go on for maybe another half of decade. I had spent quiet a portion of my 18 life facing various obstacles,some ended quiet well but some just terrible. Somehow after these painful experience, I'm not me anymore. I'm not easy-going and caring, mostly spent most of my time gloomy and sad, I just bury my head into the sand and built up an protective shell for me,to avoid getting in touch with those terrifying problems.

Till now, after my dear friend exploded to me then I know I'm really off my track, I simply cant remember who I really is,all that is in my mind are those memories of being betrayed, being dumped and any other bad things at people who done to me. I hardly felt anything for the past years as I had shut down my thoughts and feelings. For such person like me, of course I denied his claim at first. But after listen his explanation, deep down inside me knew he is right. It was really hard at first, to tear open the well bandaged wounds, slowly take down the shell which I set up. I cried for most of the time. Thinking back those memories, analyses them in different point of view. But as you slowly proceeding this, you are unattaching those bad memories, seeing it as just an old path of you, you just felt free and gleeful. I had never felt this great before, it was like all this burden I had dumped away and I'm myself again. I don't need to be somebody who everyone wants me too, I'm just me meeeee :) Still now I still having some trouble with of low self esteem prob, but dont worried I will sort it out :)

Thanks for reading my blog tentatively. Have a great day :) I'm gonna blast off , woohoo

Perfectionist

Yes, I am one, wouldn't denied that.But not in every aspect, just one, and that's my love life. Kinda hoped that I would get a handsome BF just like Big Bang's T.O.P, height which at least 180cm and above, great bodyline, intelligent, humor, sporting, good in socializing, great family background and most of all, the one who could accept me as who I am. Well you know, of course I haven't yet met this kind of guy before because he was like 100% perfect without any weakness.

Apart from outer appearance, I do kinda wished to have a romantic lover. Well, it's not like giving me non stop of surprises or doing something really insane for me, it's just that he would listen to me and then take notice of every little tiny details about me :) Like remember that i hate eating tauge so no tauge in any meals or the date of my ms and kindly remind me to be prepared.

Yes yes, I know I know. I should stop dreaming right now, this instance. But this had become kinda a disease, sure will happen whenever I meet a guy. Conflicts on my own will pop up, doubting my faith in his, 'Is he THE ONE?' , 'Does he deserved to be with you?','Shouldn't he treat you more nicely?', 'He's not that good,isn't he?', 'Are you SURE you wanna be with him?'. It was like wanna ask everything from him, wanting him to become THE ONE,not himself and i felt selfish and arrogant.

This really tired's me off. Battling with my own thoughts, fighting back every accusing of him, disappointment of him. Kinda lost at here. Felt the loneliness creeps up every second, unsecureness was like gonna swallowed me down. Its not their problem, it's just mine. My perfection after lover

P.s. This is my ideal guy from now on :D