Be strong

My dear,
I hope you waking up to the chirping of birds,
and the warm glow of sunlight,
in warm bed sheets,
on a good breezy morning.
Last night, ended in a way not quite you expected,
but you know it's alright,
and it's not your fault things turned that way.

Most times, people are lovely and sweet,
but they do show their fangs and back sometimes.
They might be tired, stressed, hurt,
but not by you,
by the people they cared or does not care for.
They bare their fangs onto you,
in order to get rid the darkness inside them,
but you stayed strong.
Not joining in and unleashed your dark shadows,
is the best decision you had ever make.

My dear,
Although tears streams down,
in your room after leaving them,
but these tears strengthen you,
reminding you of who you are.
At these times,
wisdom words of closest,
will set you free from what you feared of,
and stayed true to your own.
Enlightened by the scars and ugly emotions you faced,
now standing there in the morning glow,
by those pale blue curtains,
is a stronger you to face new challenges.


Behind the story:

Well i wrote this when I find it hard to deal with other peoples ugly emotions. They can be a friend, acquaintance from work or school, where they are caught up by their own emotions and hoping to find someone to share their shadows. If they had done it in a more frank and positive way, the other party is able to effectively shares their burden and consoles them. But there are those who are driven by their egos, luring you to feel the same way as they had and enforcing their intentions on you, hoping you to say "Yes! I felt exactly the way you said so," just to make them feel the same way as they are. It doesn't feel right, when a friend of mine tried make me to agree with her. I feel uncomfortable and emotionally drained throughout the day. But thanks to a close friend, I'm back on track now! I hope that this piece of work (not sure is a poem or article or what) would help those who need to lighten these emotional burden on them, just like how it had healed mine :)

走得一无预兆

真是的，又再把事情想像的太好了，算了吧，自己的分量自己知道。或许我现在很随意，很包容，可是别把我的包容给耗尽，那是你就会懂我的冷眼，可能我现在对你来说，是不离不弃，但是，我走的时候也毫无预兆，也不会留恋的向前走。曾经听过一句话，在一段感情里，往往爱得越深的人越吃亏，看似乎对的，但那也只是还在感情中的时候。往往付出越多的人，在离开时，也走得更潇洒，因为他们已经尽力了，没有遗憾，反而那些一直在接受的人，是最放不开的人，因为他们懂他们可以做得更好，一直紧捉着那遗憾。 是的，仔细想想，的确我没什么遗憾，因为不管是友情或爱情，我都是会尽我的好来对待他们，我想这应该是我的唯一优点吧，虽然也是我最致命的缺点。看看我还能耗多久吧，我这个笨蛋。想到了林宥嘉的浪费，虽然我不是像他唱的“用我一生给你浪费”， 但也有点相似，在他的情感方面吧。

2016

很感谢这一年，和这新的一年，更加地看清了自己的不足，现在，看到的不再是他人的不对，而是自己的不好。心里也不在痛苦折磨了，朋友的那句话来的刚好，“兔子用跳的，活了8年；狗用跑的，活了15年；乌龟啥都不做，活了150年。” 有时候，我也得我在错的地方活得太过认真，去猜测他人的真心，这种其实没答案啊，又不是她肚里的蛔虫，哪懂真不真诚，这种是日子久了就看得出了啦。这样只会让自己变得精神恍惚，没自信呢。就顺其自然吧，也不能干嘛的。
呵呵，昨天和一个很久没见的朋友去了槟城哦！天，太太太开心了，其实也没想到我妈会让我去呢，第一次坐着朋友的车到槟城去，超嗨的，前晚还睡不着呢！三个傻瓜，进了鬼屋，却都怕鬼，哈哈哈！真的留了很好的回忆呢 :D

下一步，准备

不再害怕孤单了，因为懂了，不委屈就全，宁缺勿滥的道理。我想，大概有半年了吧，努力的都努力了，应该是缘分不够吧，不必再勉强了。心里也坦然了，因为不是谁的错，只怪我们的世界不一样，我想我进不去你们那花花世界去，我只想要个黑白世界就好了。不需太多的花枝，也不需再猜测太多，就我需要的只是那对与错，直接，诚实的世界。就爽快地放手吧，不是不再是朋友了，见面时也可以很开心的打招呼，聊聊近况，但再深一步就不需要了，不必让彼此如此的不舒服吧。有时，就需要些遗憾，才能留下更深刻的印象吧。就好像我去年夏天去了东京一趟，就算身旁的人都告诉我，夏天的云朵会遮盖了富士山的山顶，我还是去了。算是给心里一个交代吧，去了，也真的只看到半山腰，但是就有了再来一次的理由，下次，一定会在冬天时再来一次的，泡着温泉，看着那白白的山顶。

消失的富士山顶

话说，冬天时，富士山会倒影在冰冻的湖上。

我想，生命就是一个路途。有时，你会因为要了快抵达目的地，而忽略了景边的小草小花，有时你抵达了目的地，却发现其实那不是你要去的地方，你真正珍惜的是那些些小花小草。说回那富士山之旅吧，一开始是以富士山而出发的，却很意外的看到了遍地盛开的薰以花草，还以为只能去北海道才能看到的，在这里就看到了。生命就是如此吧，当一个门为你关起时，另一把门会为你开启。很感谢，生命的这些考验，让我更加看清了我真正想要珍惜的人们呢。在这半年里，我也遇见一另一班人，我相处起来很舒服的人们，虽然还没到很深交的地步，可是我们正慢慢前进，以最自然的方式更近一步吧。希望，我的下一步，我可以更准备的去面对我要面临的挑战。

薰以花草们

                                     

站在富士山前，和薰衣草们以之间的我，看起来真的很渺小吧！

嘉忆笔上

热，22.4.15

Alone ≠ loneliness

Am I holding in or dealing with it? I don't know. I felt so torn inside. Struggling with loneliness. I know this is a battle of my own. It was said that the moments you feel lonely are the moments you may most need to be by yourself.  Ha! What makes you sick cures you. I don't believe it at first, thinking that being alone is the loneliest and it would be the last thing that I ever wanted to do. But now, here I am, alone in the room, escaping from those noisy world outside. I felt a lot more comfortable, under my own skin, doing the things I want and just be me.  Now I know why I'm always felt terrible after those long hours of socialising. And it's time for me to do find ways to fight off these terrible feelings, to figure out where to go and what I want to do. Always keep in mind that you are not lonely, unless you felt so. Being alone doesn't means that you are lonely. 

P.S. For those who also felt this way, I would like to recommend a website, which had always brings the light for me whenever I'm no good. 

http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/03/19/10-things-to-remember-when-you-feel-lost-and-alone/

First time lyrics writing

So, this is my first time writing lyrics to a song. WOW! It was an eye opening experience, I never thought that I could be this artist in writing (SiaoZaBo). So this is what I had wrote and proposed to them.

It’s the day, the first step,

Anxiety filled me, then our eyes catch,

easiness swept through me,

I know we all felt the same.

Those awkward smiles had become friendlier ones

The string around us, thickens as time passes

What we had was short, but strong in our hearts

even we stopped saying goodbye, the memories are all inside

Simple talk, awkward smiles

Then comfort mocking and relax bearing

ever craving for the next meeting

How fast for us to be close acquaintance

In this Big city full of beautiful lights,

At times where my visions are blinded, you came by

took my hand and guide, 

it’s like we get to see tomorrow’s sunrise 

hand in hand marched towards the bright light 

The world before seems black and white,

But with you, they are all sparks and lights.

What we had was short, but strong in our minds

even we stopped saying goodbye, the memories are all still inside

Although in the end, only some parts are used but I'm still very happy :) And I get to sing my part ^.^
It's so obvious that I'm totally clueless during the first recording. I had no confidence in my voice and it kinda burdens the others too. So for next recording, i'm gonna work very very hard, mentally prepared myself for it. As this song is ours, every part of it had all those pieces of us in it. I really hoped that it will be a big success. 

I'm totally a newbie, still learning on how to do follow the melody and the beat, and singing (opps, I'm really bad at it). I kinda enjoy writing it and now planing to have a project with that sigui rui XDDD

Nothing is forever

Still adjusting to the life at here. In this big city, there are too much lonely souls. Everyone is hiding something, they are afraid of being judge by others, whether the others are friends or strangers. Afraid that if they just be themselves, they will not be accepted by this world or even worst, by those whom they really gave a shit in. Lonely it is. Not being able to be accepted as who they truly are. Being judged by those peoples, who they think they really are? God? Prosecutors? They are just humans too. It may be that they are being judged before too, so it's a cycle, where It won't stops until one stops.

I do need the courage which Taylor Swift has, not being afraid to those who judges. Since when, I cared that much about what the others thinks about me. It had just became a bigger and bigger burden in me, where until the point I can't be who I really was. Since when? Is it because of her? Please just stop this cycle. I'm not going to judge anyone, please just stop. I want to be able to stand, head strong, look into the eyes of those who hates me, seeing my own laughing face.

I'm shaky in the inside, felt insecure about this big city, nothing seems eternity. But then I remind myself that nothing is eternity, there aren't be anything that will be with you forever. Love fades, friendship betrayal, material stuffs wore and tears, nothing is eternity, Chia Yee! It's time to be myself, to be who I really meant to be. Just believe in your heart and you will get to the place you should. Nothing is forever - Yong Jun Hyung.